A confession.

So... I'm up. About 8 pounds or so. IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!! I don't know why I can't control myself a little better. You'd think after 2 years of doing this I'd have it down... But sometimes life gets the best of me. So here is my committment... One day at a time, healthy eating, exercising. I told my trainer today that I really need to work hard so I hope that happens in our workouts. I'd also like to get in the gym a little more often.

This is the holiday season, of course, involving tons of food. Ugh. People are bringing crap to work every single day and I can't say no sometimes!! So, now that you know... keep me on track. I can do this. Today, and then tomorrow.

Good, good news!

So I didn't sleep very well last night. Anxiety about this day maybe or just in an unfamiliar place. So, I woke up a little early and hopped on the treadmill. Pounded out 3.0 miles on that baby! It feels so good/bad all at the same time. But proud of myself for not just saying, ah forget it today... I needed that.

My mom's tests went pretty well today. They went down and took biopsies again in her esophagus but didn't have to 'resect' anything (meaning: they didn't see any really concerning spots... they always take biopsies)... So that's wonderful news, but we still need to hear about the biopsies. We should know by about Tuesday or so.

She also had a chest CT today, which showed a nodule that has not grown in over 1 year. YAY! this means it is most likely not cancer, because cancer grows... and fast. So, another CT of the chest in a year and we'll be cleared from that scary thing.

It is definitely a day to give thanks. Appropriate, as Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Smiles today, folks :)

Here again...

I'm down in Rochester, MN with my mom again for about the 6th time. It all started a year ago last June when they found what they call "high grade dysplasia" in some of her cells of her esophagus. Since that time, we've been making trips down here about every three months, last time the time gap was 6 months, so she can have procedures done to find/remove these cells. Given enough time, these would eventually progress into cancer.

Ugh. I seriously hate that word so much. I see it all the time in my work and in my life. Generally speaking, I see two ways that people cope with cancer. Either their tough side comes out and they fight hard, or their weak, inner self comes out and they give up. Sometimes even the toughest people can't stand to fight, because the cancer is just that strong.

So far the news has been fairly good, the spots they find have not been cancer yet (high grade dysplasia is the next step before cancer). We are hoping this time that they won't find anything but... as the doctor so eloquently put it "It's sort of like rust on an old pickup... you think you've found the last spot and then it pops up somewhere else."

I so cherish this time I get to spend with my mom but emotionally it gets exhausting for me. My mom is my best friend in life and I am so afraid that one day we'll get the worst news ever and I won't know how to handle it. Being in the medical field also challenges me because I see these things all the time and know the challenges that cancer patients face. Ugh... I am just praying things go well.

We do make the most of our time away from "the boys" (it's just her and I that make the trip)... We went out for steak dinner tonight and then sat in the hot tub when we got back to the hotel. Just winding down before tomorrow. We always go out to eat the night before, because sometimes she's not able to eat much for a couple weeks after the procedures.

I guess if I want anyone to get anything from this post today, it's this: cherish those that you love... Life is only lived once, and there's certainly no guarantee for tomorrow. Peace :)