Not quite new year's...

What's my resolution? Well I wouldn't quite call it a resolution but more like a goal. I really want to run a half marathon. I set out to accomplish this goal last summer, but a string of ridiculously hot, humid weather bummed me out and I quit. Now, trying to run a half marathon is going to consist of a few challenges.

1. Running.
2. Long runs.
3. Not dying.

I'm reading a book right now (you can order it here, if you'd like) and it's really getting me motivated. In the book she talks about wanting to take naps on park benches during long runs, peeing in bushes without anybody seeing, and other funny things to get you really into running.

So I'm on week on. So far I have gotten in 3 runs. Monday and Wednesday I ran 35 minutes, about 3 miles each time. Today (Friday) was my "long run" of the week, 45 minutes and I managed to get in 4 miles. I think the gal that wrote that book must have been a pretty slow runner, because in a couple weeks my long run is supposed to be 4 miles. I don't know. I'm just going to try and follow it and not die, and not quit. So I'm really going to try and blog about my training... If I have the energy :)

Candy

This time of year the candy and treats... are... everywhere... Seriously. I work at the hospital, and patients bring it to thank us for the care we give, other nurses bring it because they don't want it at home, and sometimes it just appears randomly out of nowhere (OK, the carolers brought it.. but seriously, a giant box of candy?)...

I ate way too much of it yesterday and today it has left me feeling pretty crummy. But today is a new day and I'm not going to let a little chocolate get me down.

So I'm telling you this, candy: Today I will not give in to your temptations. Yes, you look and taste pretty delicious but despite what my taste buds are telling me, you are not worth it. Love, Katie.

Ha... I hope I can follow through on this. It really is annoying the amount of candy that's around where I work. Ugh.

a new plan...

So Weight Watchers has unveiled yet another adjustment to their classic "points" program. Last year it was the new PointsPlus, and this year is PointsPlus2012. So, my daily points allowance went from 29 to 26. Boo. But, it has given me kind of a new start so I'm trying to be on track better.

Spent some time last Sunday baking a couple of goodies with Sarah that would be WW-friendly. We made Pumpkin Cheesecake and peppermint bark fudge.

The pumpkin cheesecake I've made before and I find it to be delicious! The sour cream topping is soooo good, and the cheesecake is really creamy, for being so light. The peppermint bark fudge, however, I really wasn't crazy about... I thought it had a really "gummy" texture, and just kind of reminded me of overdone brownies. I don't know. It is good for a quick chocolate fix but I don't think I would make it again. I'd rather have the real thing. Yummmmyyyy fudge... But, I guess that's better to have in the fridge because it's not so tempting and at least if I eat it I know how to count it correctly.

A confession.

So... I'm up. About 8 pounds or so. IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!! I don't know why I can't control myself a little better. You'd think after 2 years of doing this I'd have it down... But sometimes life gets the best of me. So here is my committment... One day at a time, healthy eating, exercising. I told my trainer today that I really need to work hard so I hope that happens in our workouts. I'd also like to get in the gym a little more often.

This is the holiday season, of course, involving tons of food. Ugh. People are bringing crap to work every single day and I can't say no sometimes!! So, now that you know... keep me on track. I can do this. Today, and then tomorrow.

Good, good news!

So I didn't sleep very well last night. Anxiety about this day maybe or just in an unfamiliar place. So, I woke up a little early and hopped on the treadmill. Pounded out 3.0 miles on that baby! It feels so good/bad all at the same time. But proud of myself for not just saying, ah forget it today... I needed that.

My mom's tests went pretty well today. They went down and took biopsies again in her esophagus but didn't have to 'resect' anything (meaning: they didn't see any really concerning spots... they always take biopsies)... So that's wonderful news, but we still need to hear about the biopsies. We should know by about Tuesday or so.

She also had a chest CT today, which showed a nodule that has not grown in over 1 year. YAY! this means it is most likely not cancer, because cancer grows... and fast. So, another CT of the chest in a year and we'll be cleared from that scary thing.

It is definitely a day to give thanks. Appropriate, as Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Smiles today, folks :)

Here again...

I'm down in Rochester, MN with my mom again for about the 6th time. It all started a year ago last June when they found what they call "high grade dysplasia" in some of her cells of her esophagus. Since that time, we've been making trips down here about every three months, last time the time gap was 6 months, so she can have procedures done to find/remove these cells. Given enough time, these would eventually progress into cancer.

Ugh. I seriously hate that word so much. I see it all the time in my work and in my life. Generally speaking, I see two ways that people cope with cancer. Either their tough side comes out and they fight hard, or their weak, inner self comes out and they give up. Sometimes even the toughest people can't stand to fight, because the cancer is just that strong.

So far the news has been fairly good, the spots they find have not been cancer yet (high grade dysplasia is the next step before cancer). We are hoping this time that they won't find anything but... as the doctor so eloquently put it "It's sort of like rust on an old pickup... you think you've found the last spot and then it pops up somewhere else."

I so cherish this time I get to spend with my mom but emotionally it gets exhausting for me. My mom is my best friend in life and I am so afraid that one day we'll get the worst news ever and I won't know how to handle it. Being in the medical field also challenges me because I see these things all the time and know the challenges that cancer patients face. Ugh... I am just praying things go well.

We do make the most of our time away from "the boys" (it's just her and I that make the trip)... We went out for steak dinner tonight and then sat in the hot tub when we got back to the hotel. Just winding down before tomorrow. We always go out to eat the night before, because sometimes she's not able to eat much for a couple weeks after the procedures.

I guess if I want anyone to get anything from this post today, it's this: cherish those that you love... Life is only lived once, and there's certainly no guarantee for tomorrow. Peace :)

Selling my elliptical

So, I'm selling my elliptical.... Any takers?

It's really nice, and works well. I just can't justify the space that it takes up anymore. I go to a gym to work out and have found that it keeps me much more accountable than having this at home. Also, I mostly bought it for winter months so I wouldn't have to go out in the cold... But it seems like that's when I need to get out of the house the most. These ND winters can really drag you down...

I put this on Craigslist. I'm a little leery of Craigslist (kinda sketchy!!) but hopefully it will sell... Would be nice to have some extra $$$ in my pocket!

On Kathy Lee and Hoda today (on the Today Show) they said there was a study that found 20% of women would rather lose their ability to read than lose their figure. Seriously? That's a little wacky. Apparently they feel their looks are all they've got anyway... ha. I'm blessed to have both  ;) (sarcasm)

A new adventure ( I hope )

I applied to work for Weight Watchers the other day! It would only be part time, maybe a couple meetings a week. I'd start as a receptionist, and weighing people in. Kind of exciting. I haven't actually had a call or an interview, but my leader has been trying to get me to do this for a while now (even though I wasn't within my weight range until a few weeks ago). 

It's exciting and stressful all at the same time. I will be looking forward to helping people reach their goals, but then at this job you have to make sure you maintain your weight... So, incentive for me to keep it together and help people all at the same time.

Should be an interesting change in my life. Sometimes I think about my job (RN) and how I take care of people every single day of my life. It's exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and can't really imagine myself doing anything else... But you get kind of tired of always worrying about other people all the time. Sometimes I forget to take care of myself. Physically, yes I do, by working out and eating right, etc. But I think emotionally a lot of my time is invested in other people. Even when I'm not at work, I feel like I want to make sure everyone else is feeling ok, if they need anything, or what I can be doing for them.

I think it's a good resolution to start thinking about myself a little bit. I'm going to do what I want to do... for the rest of tonight anyway. Like watch some Grey's Anatomy. Ten minutes away! See yaz!

Another year older...

Happy birthday to me on Saturday the 24th. I turned 25 years old. I celebrated, and boy did I feel old the next day, ha!

I am weighing in tomorrow, pretty excited about that because I feel like it's going to be a good one. OK, it should be because I totally cheat and weigh myself every day. Unless I do totally bad in the next couple of hours, I should lose at least a couple of pounds... I am getting soooo close to my goal weight I can hardly even wait!!! I will try and update tomorrow after weigh in.

I'm just working this week, working out with my trainer, and looking forward to my niece's birthday party this weekend! She's turning 2! I can hardly believe it. Love those little girls sooooo much. They are ridiculously sweet.  :)

The final countdown

I weighed in today finally, after not weighing for most of the month. Down 2 pounds baby!! I am now at my lowest weight ever of 159.4, which is a total of 93.2 pounds lost, and 9.4 pounds until I get to my goal weight. Can't believe how close it is. It's just within my grasp and I am going to get there.

I will get there.

I went to a different weight watchers meeting today, with a different leader. I have to say that I love my leader, Krissy. She lost over 100 pounds and she is such a ball of energy! It just makes me so much more excited when I go to her meetings! Next week I should be there. Just have to stay on track the rest of the week and hopefully get some workouts in. I ran on the treadmill today, about 30 minutes. I didn't run the whole time but it felt good to get sweaty! :)

I feel like running on the treadmill is such a mental battle. I have to make sure I change the options so I don't see the time elapsed/time remaining, or the miles. Put my headphones on, crank up the tunes and get going. I hate watching the clock, it makes me obsessed, and say "I can't do it." but your mind is so much weaker than your body. Your body can do amazing things if you just let it. :) Inspiration for the day!

SIZE 8?

That's right. First pair of single digit sized pants bought the other day. Now I'm sure they just run big but that's OK. I'm still pretty proud that I could fit in them... Feels amazing. Never worn a size 8 in my life and NEVER going back there.

I told my mom today that I will never ever be fat again. I promise myself to never go back there. It has been nearly 2 years since I started this journey of weight loss, and I feel like I have made the permanent changes necessary in my life. I want everyone to keep me on track, focused on my goal :)

Breakfast time!

Today's breakfast: Kahlua flavored coffee from my beautiful Keurig coffee maker, a banana, and oatmeal... I never used to be a fan of oatmeal for a couple of reasons... One is when you make the correct serving size, it ends up to be a terribly small bowl. I found this recipe from Hungry Girl (http://www.hungry-girl.com/) and adapted it to my liking.

HUGE OATMEAL BOWL
1/2 cup old fashioned oats (quick/instant oats don't work)
1 cup water
1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk

Add above ingredients to a pot on the stove, stir and bring to a boil. Turn down the heat and simmer for 12-15 minutes. When it's all said and done, you get a huge bowl of thick, creamy oatmeal. I add some cinnamon, splenda, and sugar free maple syrup to my bowl just to sweeten it up a little bit. So good. You can add other things, too. It seriously makes the world's largest oatmeal bowl. I guess the trick is to add double the liquid you would normally add and cook it for twice as long.

I'd post a picture, but most of the time I find food pictures gross looking unless you're a gourmet chef, which I definitely am not!

Enjoy the day peeps... It's a chilly one here in ND which means fall is coming! Love fall but definitely not looking forward to winter. :(

Body PUMP!

It's really a love/hate relationship that I have with weight training. When I was running more, I would occasionally be sore through my butt/thigh muscles. Now that I've been doing more intense weights and things like that, I am sore almost every day. Some people at work have asked me why I'm limping, HA... I'm just so sore I can't walk right.  and I walk a lot at work. Miles upon miles.

I did Body Pump last night, and today I'm not as sore as I was the first time I did body pump. Maybe I didn't do enough weights or maybe I just didn't put enough effort in... Or, I'm just getting used to the weight training. But really, body pump is pretty intense. If you haven't done it before, I highly suggest it. It really makes you feel powerful. My class was led by a woman, and it was a group of women so I didn't have to feel intimidated!

Training day again tomorrow. I have to feel good about what I'm doing, even on my fat days. :)

On another note, I went to a wedding this weekend and had a blast! Literally danced all night. So happy I can do that without getting a side ache! Had a fun fun time with some old friends I hadn't seen in a while. Although it is always a little disappointing to get back to the real world after a fun weekend!

Retail therapy

It has been an insane weekend/week at work, so today I plan on buying me some things to make me feel better. Here's what's on my list:
1. Something to go with my leggings
2. a pair of shoes to wear with my skinny (!) jeans
3. Possibly some other miscellaneous items

I'm a little nervous about the skinny jeans. I haven't had them on in public... yet. They kind of remind me of when I was gaining weight and my pants got too tight. HA! Not exactly sure why anyone wants to put themselves through that, but I guess I bought them more or less just to say I have a pair of skinny jeans. haha.

Wish me luck.

I have to admit...

I'm a little disappointed in myself. I was doing really great running at the beginning of the summer. Ran my first 10k, running 4 times a week almost. I stopped when it started getting really hot. We had quite a few days this summer where the head index was 110. High humidity. Yuck. Not good for a runner. I got a little lazy.

It's so hard to get back into running after being able to run long distances. I feel so disappointed when I only go a couple of miles. Yesterday I did 3.6 but I walked some. I have to tell myself that it's better than nothing. I have found, though, that my miles are faster than they were before. I ran one mile yesterday in under 11 minutes which I've never really done. I guess maybe that's why I get so tired so fast too. It's hard to control your pace when you're outside, though. I listen to music, and it makes me feel good. I feel like I'm going at a decent pace but maybe I should try slowing it down a little bit. At least for a while.

A friend of mine posted a quote on Facebook a while back that said something like this: "No matter how fast you're going, you're running laps around that person sitting on the couch!" Not exact, but close enough.

Here's my committment... Back into running! At least until the snow falls... yikes, I can't believe that's coming.

Update on life...

Well, I was with my parents all week helping my dad recover from back surgery, and here was my gift from them...

Ain't she a beauty?!?!

A KEURIG!!!  YAY!!!! I've been wanting one of these for quite a while, and for a few good reasons... I enjoy coffee, but hate the hassle of making a full pot and rarely drink more than 1 cup at home anyway... Plus, Keurigs are super cool and you can make all kinds of hot or cold drinks! I hope mine works well...

MY FIRST CUP!!! Sorry for the fuzziness, I took this picture with the cell phone... I hope this cup of coffee gets me amped up for my work out this morning. I have 45 minutes until it starts. Got to get amped up. The last workout with my trainer was terrible!! I was just so tired and didn't do very much.. Waste of money, that's for sure...









Well, anyway... I'm off to get the rest of my coffee buzz... yummmmmm...

Back at it.

Well, I haven't been the greatest blogger just starting out! There has been a lot going on in my life right now.

 Dad just had back surgery. He was in the hospital four nights, and just got home today. I'm home with them for a few days helping him recover and get stronger. It was hard seeing him in so much pain. I hope the recovery goes well! I spend a lot of time at the hospital this last weekend. I actually work there, so being there as a patient's family is definitely different. It helps, though because I know the routine and how things should and shouldn't go. I tried to behave!

Weight wise I have not been doing that great. I know I am up a couple of pounds, but that should come off relatively easy if I just eat the way I'm supposed to. I haven't been tracking very well, so that's the first step. I just need to write down every single thing I eat. It is so hard at this point, with 10 pounds left to lose... If I screw up even just a little bit, it shows on the scale. Back when I weighed in the 200 pound range, it would not matter as much. I could have a bad week and still lose a little bit. I guess that's life when you're a skinny girl! It is sooo worth it, though.

Got back to some running today as well. Took my parents black lab, Molly for a 2.7 mile run through the park and golf course. It felt great. Molly's getting up there in age, so we had to walk a little bit (purely for her benefit ;)...) Otherwise I have been focusing more on weight training. I have been able to see my leg and arm muscles toning quite a bit thanks to my trainer!! One of the best decisions I ever made (second to joining weight watchers nearly 2 years ago).

Anyway, back to helping mom and dad out around the house. It sure feels nice to be needed :)

Lazy weekend...

And I'm feeling chubby. Uffda.

Tonight I made (am making) zucchini bread. I went to the farmer's market this weekend and bought a few things, including a zucchini. It seems like a shame to use a zucchini like that to make into bread, but it is delicious anyway.

I changed up the recipe... Most zucchini bread recipes call for 1 cup of oil. 1 cup of oil!?! YIKES!! A smart little trick I learned in weight watchers-substitute that for a cup of unsweetened applesauce. It actually worked! The bread stays very moist and cuts out a ton of fat and calories. Of course, there is still a bunch of flour and sugar but oh well. Gotta have your treats too :)

I went to YOGA for the first time tonight. It was... interesting. There was only 4 of us (plus instructor) in the class, so that was good. I found it to be very relaxing for the most part. I'm used to high intensity step/aerobics classes, so yoga was definitely a change... She had candles lit, and used some different scents.

What I really liked about it was the connectedness you feel towards yourself. Yoga is all about you, relaxing your body and really placing your energy inside. At the end, she says say a prayer for someone you love, say a prayer for someone you find difficult, and finally say a prayer for yourself.

I think that's a good thing to do every day. Now, just need to remember that. :)

Annoying...

Well, I did have  a pretty good post going, then I hit publish post and for some reason it deleted everything and didn't save (what's the point in the save now button if it doesn't work?)

I was reflecting on my personal training sessions... had session #2 yesterday, and it was great! I'm sore today, which I was pretty excited about. I can already see some muscle definition in my arms. WAHOO!! That's one of the main things I want to work on, is my arms... and my belly. I have a long ways to go with my belly but I hope to get there eventually... I am pretty sure I'll never be bikini ready but at least I will feel a little more confident. I can't imagine even wearing a bikini!! AHHHHH hahaha... only in the privacy of my backyard. And even that's a stretch (stretch mark... heheh).

I'm really liking the gym I just joined... It's really small and new, and it doesn't smell like sweaty old guys :)... I used to go to the Y, and didn't like it for a few reasons including the smell. Also the price was about to increase to $50/month when I turn 25 next month. I find that a little bit ridiculous. Nothing else is going to change about me except my age.

Anyway, I'm going to try and post this again. Hope anyone who is reading this enjoys it. I'm boring, but I'm trying to make it sound more exciting than it really is. Peace :)

Not sure about this idea...

In my post 12 hour night shift exhaustion, I'm watching TV this afternoon (morning?) and see a commercial for a new TV show called Big Sexy... I didn't really pay attention to the whole thing, but basically it's about big women loving who they are and being proud of their size...

Now, I've seen things like this before on TV... I'm all about body acceptance, but I don't think it is acceptable to promote being unhealthy. These women are beautiful, there's no doubt about it. But are they healthy? I saw on the Today Show last week, a woman who was all about size acceptance and being "big and beautiful" who decided to change her thought process once she found out she was pre-diabetic and had some other health issues... from being overweight.

For a long time, I tried so hard just to love who I was being overweight... Didn't work. I think loving who you are has many components... Taking care of yourself, accepting your limitations, and knowing you're doing the best you can. I pray that these women see the harmful effects that being overweight can have on your body. I once read that being obese is likely to overtake cigarette smoking in the number of morbidities in this country. People KNOW that smoking is unhealthy for you, and things are changing because of that. I think we need to do more to crush the obesity rates in this country. It is out of control (well, that's a whole other blog for another day when I'm feeling a little more...awake).

Anyway, it will be interesting to see how this show unfolds. I probably won't watch it, just too many other fun things to do with my life, like blog. Peace. :)

Night shift...Woof.

Well, I'm working night 12-hour shifts this weekend, 7 p.m.-7 a.m... completed night one with out incident... I was too busy to think about how tired I really was. Get home at 0730 and I'm up before noon. Yep, I'll be napping today for sure! Too bad I had to waste this weekend, the weather is beautiful out... I know we won't have too many more of these nice days until we fall into the winter slump.

Oh, I am so not looking forward to winter. There are, maybe, one or two things I like about winter: Christmas, and the very first snowfall. But after that, the cold get malicious. Bitter, bitter cold. Yuck. I sometimes wonder why we still live here, and someone once told me it's because the cold has destroyed our brain cells and we're all too stupid to leave! HA!

Either way, life goes on. Enjoy this beautiful day while it lasts :)

What do you do when...

So many people ask me, "Katie, what do you do when you want to eat junk food?" My answer is pretty simple...

I eat it.

Then, I run far, far away from it. Moderation is the key, people. I have learned this is true with a lot of things. You can enjoy anybody's company in moderation, but once you are with them too much or for too long (no matter how much you love them) you will eventually have a negative consequence. Example: Doritos. Good for a few chips, then you eat the whole bag and you're left with orange fingers and a guilty conscience. I used to eat Doritos by the bag. I probably could still if I let them sit in front of me, but this is something I don't buy anymore. I'll have a few here and there at parties/gatherings, but I will not bring them into my home unless absolutely necessary.

Nobody can be good 100% of the time, if we were, nobody would have drinking problems, weight problems, or personality problems. We'd all be perfect. But then, life would be boring and what would we ever learn from that?

There are times, of course when I fail miserably. An example of this was last week at work... A bunch of junk food sitting out all day, definitely can't resist. Then I go to the candy jar and have 3 or 4 dove chocolates. Why can't I have one? Not really sure. But, I have a bad day and move on with it. End of story. New day starts fresh. Every single day.

An old Facebook note

I was cleaning out my Facebook profile yesterday (there's no reason why people need to have access to "notes" I wrote 3 years ago) and came across one of those 25 Interesting Things about Me posts... #18 read:
"I am always concerned about my weight. I feel like people judge me because of it, and I'm constantly worrying whether or not people are talking about me/my weight. I just wish people would see what's on the inside rather than the outside."

Soooo true, fat self.

While I still occasionally feel like everyone's staring at my muffin top (which is significantly smaller than it used to be) I can't believe I let this rule my life for so long. Truth is, people probably DID judge me for being fat. Now on the other side of things, this is something that I can't lean on any longer. Before, if someone didn't like me or I wasn't chosen for a job or something like that, it was because I was fat. Nobody wants the fat girl. Now if I am not chosen or if someone doesn't like me for some reason- I really have to look at the issue. I think we all have things we lean on as crutches.

Losing weight is hard, but I think the hardest work begins now, for the rest of my life. Love it or hate it, here I am... But definitely loving it more than hating it! :) Peace.

First post!

Well I guess there's no time like the present for your first blog post. I have attempted to keep blogs in the past but never really have done anything cool or interesting to blog about. What should your first blog post include? I suppose a little bit of background about me and why I'm writing this in the first place.

So, I'm 24 years old and in the best shape of my life. Now, I realize most people are in the best shape of their lives at age 24, but if you would have asked me this 2 years ago it was a drastically different story. 2 years ago I had just gotten married, and was at about the heaviest point in my entire life. Bummer, I know, to have to take your wedding pictures when you feel like a fat cow. Life went on for a few more months that way until....

I decided to do something.

I joined Weight Watchers at the end of December 2009. WW is nothing new to me. I had done this several times in my life, each time losing 20-30 pounds and then gaining it back, faster than I could buy new pants. So, I joined with very little gusto thinking, "here I go again..."

The pounds literally fell off. It was fun, and I was noticing changes in myself. So I kept going. And going... And here I am, today 91.8 pounds lighter and just under 11 pounds away from my goal weight. 150. A weight I have never known before (except maybe in middle school or elementary school!!)

Through this blog, I hope to share with you my strong days and weak days. I hope to inspire at least one person to make that change in his or her life and to keep it going that way. If I can do it, you can do it. Enjoy.